I pay my taxes. I try to pay the utility bills on time too, but sometimes that’s not possible because they get delivered a day after they were due. I try not to throw garbage on the road, I dissuade people from spitting paan, something I am mostly unsuccessful at. I try not to break the law. I’m okay with the colour of my passport. Due to a NADRA/ECP fuckup, I couldn’t vote in 2008, but I support the democratic process. In short, I’m a decent citizen (contrary to what you may hear about journalists in Pakistan’s news outlets, some of us don’t take bribes, are only on our organisation’s payroll and don’t get paid fantastic salaries).
Now, for a little truth.
I have a sizable credit card bill, something I’ve been paying off since last year. Its been taking longer than I expected, but I am slowly getting through it. As much as it pains my heart to pay money to an evil bank [die, DIE, YOU UNHELPFUL BASTARDS. I love you, please don’t charge me extra interest], I am going through with it. I’d like to wake up one day too, and find out that all my bills have gone far far away, thanks to a handy piece of legislation. But that’s not going to happen to me, is it now? Because after all, I’m the kid that never won anything [except at musical chairs once, but I may have cheated], and with my luck, I’ll probably wake up to find out that the interest rate has been doubled instead.
So dear beneficiaries of the NRO, you’ve had a stress-free two years. The cases went away, your wife (or wives) were finally able to ha-ha Nelson-style at other people, your lawyer now only hears from you on Eid when you send out mass SMS’, and everything was hunky dory. So unless you pull off a miracle in the next seven days, I only have this to say to you: “You are the weakest link. Goodbye.”