From The Guardian:
Matt Damon’s Jason Bourne cinema trilogy (The Bourne Identity, The Bourne Supremacy and The Bourne Ultimatum) is now set to become the most lucrative film franchise ever. It comes as no surprise then that another 14 sequels have already been shot. In yet another exclusive, I can now reveal what they are and what they’re about. So, over the next decade look out for:
The Airbourne Polonium: Jason Bourne has just two hours to stop a Russian assassin without getting cancer. This is followed up with The Bourne Endoscopy.
The Bourne Accordion: Jason Bourne thinks he’s a busker.
The Bourne Pandemonium: Jason Bourne has 10 minutes to crack a secret code in a room of 3,000 children.
The Misbourne Conspiracy: Jason Bourne has 15 minutes to stop the River Misbourne in Buckinghamshire from bursting its banks.
The Bourne Londinium: Matt Damon plays an ancient amnesiac spy accused of being involved in the plot to assassinate Caesar.
The Bourneville Conundrum: Jason Bourne has six minutes to find a bar of Cadbury’s chocolate that doesn’t have salmonella.
The Bourne Utility: Matt Damon has become so rich thanks to the Jason Bourne series of films that he now purchases all of the world’s supplies of natural gas.
The Bourne Condominium: Jason Bourne has 20 years to retire to sheltered accommodation for spies.
The Bourne Linoleum: Matt Damon doesn’t do a Bourne film as he has four working days to wait at home for new flooring.
The Ayckbourn Tumescence: Jason Bourne has 14 hours to make Alan Ayckbourn feel erotic.
The Bourne Hostility: People start getting tired of the Bourne sequence and think of a way to get rid of Matt Damon, or at least frighten him.
The Bourne Opprobrium: Matt Damon receives a dead lama in the post.
The Bourne Atrocity: The Bourne franchise ends to everyone’s satisfaction.